Thursday, September 22, 2016

Seven Months Later... I'm Back!




I'm currently in the floor of Josie's nursery as she sweetly naps this evening. It's the first time I've typed on a computer in seven months. I'm a bit rusty. But I wanted to share my heart and a little bit of where I have been.

 I didn't plan to take such a long break from writing but motherhood is a demanding thing. It's so many things, actually. So many good, hard, beautiful, tiring, and precious things. Being a mom has rocked me to the core and then some. From a scary, life-altering whirlwind of a labor+delivery, not knowing what will happen in the next moment to slowly gaining confidence as the months go by as a new mother to a precious and tiny baby girl who has pretty amazing hair and those cheeks.. don't get me started on those cheeks.

Let's back track to February of this year. Maybe one day I will be ready to write about Josie's birth but that day (and the many days after that in the hospital) is still raw and looking back is still tender to the touch, hard to think about, and somewhat painful as I remember my baby hooked up to so many machines but honestly --- so overwhelmingly good because God was faithful to us during such a scary time. I grew so much in my trust in my Faithful and Wonderful God. Josie is as healthy and chunky (and long) now as ever and I'll never be able to put into words the thankfulness to God that I feel in my heart for showing us mercy, grace, protection, healing, and ultimately, His presence during the time that Josie was born and was in the hospital. I struggled with control for many years and in a moment, all I had was Jesus to cling to for my life and my freshly new daughter's life. That will strip you of any feelings of control you think you have.

I dealt with postpartum depression/anxiety for a solid five months and still battle some anxiety but God has been so faithful to deliver me from that. I definitely want to write more about that later on so that other moms can know that they are not alone.

And then, we recieved some big news in the midst of no sleep and feeding a two month old every 3 hours. We are pregnant again! I cried and my husband laughed and leaped for joy. And I cried some more. God definitely gives us more than we can handle but He never leaves us alone to deal with it ourselves. I'm almost 6 months pregnant with another healthy baby girl and I'm so thankful. And tired. Haha! 

I have grown so much in my relationship with God as I face trials of many kinds (mainly motherhood related). I'm trying to learn how to be a faithful mother while also being a faithful wife, servant, and most importantly Jesus follower. Everyone says it's a balance but honestly, I don't believe that. I am learning that when I give my ALL to Jesus every single day, He provides me with the strength and energy I need to be a mom, the love I need to be a wife and faithful servant of Christ to those around me.

Survival mode is where I have been these last seven months but slowly and surely, the Lord is showing me that He has abundantly more in store for me and every other precious person He has created no matter what role He has given you.



16 comments:

  1. Welcome back!! I am so excited to follow your motherhood journey. :-) I have a terrible case of baby fever at the moment, and I love following bloggers who have babies or who are expecting.

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    1. haha! oh i have been there!! :) I'm glad that you are going to be a regular ;) <3 thanks girl!!

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    1. Love you, girl! so glad to be back so we can follow along in each other's lives. such a cool thing!

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  3. I'm soooo glad you're back! I've really missed your blog and look so forward to your insight and honesty in sharing what these last months have been like for you and what the next months will be like too! I'm almost 32 weeks along eoth my first and although totally joyful and healthy, a bit scared too! I've had anxiety and depression in the past but pregnancy has been sooo chill and peaceful for me. I'm a bit afraid that after my daughter comes I'll sink back into my darkness. Please continue to share your journey!!

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    1. I'm so glad that you are here :) How are you feeling? Don't you worry about that.. I think that every mom may go through it on some level and even, some don't! If you EVER need to talk, I am here!! I know how it feels to struggle with anxiety while pregnant. All those extra hormones do not help, haha. Do you know what you're having?!

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  4. I'm so glad you're back, I have been thinking about you & yours & wondering how your life has been treating you! So exciting (& maybe overwhelming-but God isn't going to give you more than He can help you handle!) that you have another little girl on the way. I truly hope you will be willing to share your journey with us :)

    xoxo, SS

    Southern And Style

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    1. SO glad to be back! How have you been, girl?? I definitely will as much as I can. God has been teaching me so many things that I can't wait to share ;)

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  5. Oh my goodness! You have been on a journey! Thank the Lord for His faithfulness! I'm looking forward to seeing where you journey takes you.

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    1. It definitely is an adventure!! :) Thanks for stopping by, girl!!!

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    1. So glad to be back! :) Can't wait to get caught up on your blog!

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  7. Oh my goodness girl! Yes, parenting is a whirlwind and adding a pregnancy to that first year of babyhood is a whole other obstacle. We are adding a second baby to our bunch too, and while my son will be 22 months when our girly gets here, you and I are kinda in the same boat. Good luck, I will be praying for you as you enter into this new stage of your life!

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    1. Congrats, girl!!! :) I'll be praying for you as well! We should definitely stay connected!

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  8. glad you are back and doing well! You are a tough mama!!! I have a few friends who have had babies close together, 13.5 months apart and 16 months apart. Their kids are so close and love each other so much! You are totally right that Josie and little girl Kashner will have so much fun together, sharing clothes and all! All of you are so strong and brave!!! I'm praying for your health and for your little family! Congrats!!!!!!

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  9. glad you are back and doing well! You are a tough mama!!! I have a few friends who have had babies close together, 13.5 months apart and 16 months apart. Their kids are so close and love each other so much! You are totally right that Josie and little girl Kashner will have so much fun together, sharing clothes and all! All of you are so strong and brave!!! I'm praying for your health and for your little family! Congrats!!!!!!

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