Thursday, January 14, 2016

When God Restores: Our Story

I just wanted to share a bit of our story with you all in hopes of encouraging at least one person. I haven't wanted to share because this story, our story, let's you into the deep places of my heart. A couple of months ago, Faith, from Life With Mrs. G and the Artist, asked me to guest post for her for her marriage series, "After I Do". I figured I would do a lighthearted post like "5 ways to be a better wife" or whatever. But after much thinking, I knew I should share our story. So I did. But now, I want to share it with all of you. Because God is so good and stories of God's goodness can empower and encourage.
 
 
 
My husband and I have been married for almost three years. Honestly, he is like my dream husband. I have no idea what I did to deserve such an awesome man! We love laughing together, being lovey-dovey with one another, and holding hands 100% of the time. But things haven't always been rainbows and butterflies. 
 
When we got married, I was having female health issues. I've always had really bad issues and had multiple surgeries, nothing too terribly serious (in regards to what other people have to go through) but also not fun at all. Every month, I was down for at least two weeks. I had a couple surgeries to fix cysts and what not, but nothing seemed to help. I was terrified of the doctor therefore when my husband and I got married, those issues were still going on but I was too scared to address them. I was in pain, physically, which led to emotional and spiritual pain. It took a toll on us intimately. I blamed God for making me "broken" and even if we wanted to have kids right off the bat, it wouldn't of been possible. I let my circumstances control me and in doing so, I lost all hope to be healthy and normal. 

I let my circumstance be my identity... "broken + messed up" is what I labeled myself. We still went to church, worshipped, prayed together, read the Bible, studied, and had fun. I'm sure everything looked perfect from the outside. But inside, this trial was tearing me apart. Night after night, I would be up sobbing, desperate for change, for hope. I was torn apart inside. I hated who I was.

 My husband never once left my side or turned away from me. He had hope but for me, it felt like an attack on who I was as a woman and a person so I couldn't seem to muster up the faith it took to have hope in such a seemingly desperate trial.

I had surgery in February of 2014, about seven months after being married, and a doctor ended up taking a bit of cells away that were precancerous. If we wouldn't of been having any issues and if everything had been left unnoticed, I could of ended up getting REALLY sick. That was the first huge miracle of God working in the midst of this trial. A little glimmer of hope. I remember crying in the parking lot thanking God for looking out for me. Maybe all would be better! We could finally get on with our lives. But instead of holding onto that hope, I let myself fall back into failure, trusting in the hope of a better circumstance instead of hoping and trusting in a Good Father. For the next year, I tried doctor after doctor and even went to a physical therapist for help. Nothing worked and I became depressed and hopeless. Looking back, I was focused so much on myself and my circumstances that I never once trusted that God was working on my behalf.
 
Somehow through all of this, I never stopped seeking God. Which was strange because I pretty much blamed God for making me like this. But I did love Him and I did want to be healed so I kept seeking Him in my darkness. In the midst, I would of not told you that I got mad at Him, blamed Him, or pretty much stopped believing He could fix me (but I did do those things) and yet, He gave me supernatural strength to keep seeking Him, through His Word.
 
And one day I remember Jesus telling me personally in my heart, "I am hope." Those three words were exactly what I needed. Exactly. It all clicked. I realized that I hadn't been trusting God at all. I had let this trial suffocate my faith and hope in Jesus. I let circumstances become bigger than my faith in Jesus. He reminded me that it doesn't have to be like that. I can have peace and hope and faith and confidence that God would work it all out for His glory. Slowly, I started to believe that and out of the pit of despair I ran.

I can't explain to you how God healed me. I can't promise that my story will be just like your story. But I know that God is healer, no matter what. A few months later, there was no more physical pain in me. And my husband and I were able to be intimate. God saved me from the downward spiral that I was going and out of His grace and mercy, He blessed us. BECAUSE HE IS GOOD. And because He has bigger plans that no earthly trial could stop. A few months after God healing me and restoring my faith in Him and restoring our marriage, we found out that we were expecting a baby! A miracle. A true miracle. I had all but lost hope in God completely but my husband never gave up hope and God never gave up on me.
 
When you walk through trials in your marriage, do it together. When you walk through trials in your life, don't do it alone. YOU DON"T HAVE TO. Through all of this, we had people praying for us. In our small group, they were praying that God would restore. Reach out... even when it hurts. Lean into your husband no matter what. Emotionally and physically speaking. Whatever your trial may be, don't give up on each other. And keep seeking God. Don't lose hope. Your circumstance may seem hopeless. It really might and you may not be able to see any light but I promise it's there. Because Jesus is that light and He is always there. The darkest night is always met with a glorious bright morning. Because Jesus is in control of the sun! And that goes for your personal life as well. He is able, friend.

And whether it's your spouse who is hurting or if it's you, it doesn't matter. Your hurt is his hurt. His hurt is yours. The heart issues, physical issues, the pride and sin, the weakness, it's both of yours. You are one. Take on his burden like it is your own.
 
Don't blame God and don't run from Him. His love for you is real and He SEES YOU. He sees your pain and your trial. And He alone is healer. He is Redeemer, that is who He is! He can and wants to redeem YOU and your heart. So much of what I went through was physical and yet spiritual. And still, nothing can hinder the work that He is doing.
 
Through this trial, my husband and I grew so close together. Had it not been for this issue in our first year of marriage, we can both honestly say that we wouldn't of experienced God in the way that we did had we not went through the valley. The way we viewed God changed and grew into this reverence and awe. And the way we loved one another grew and changed completely. God restored me, my heart, my joy, our oneness, and even He restored my physical body. Most of all, He restored my faith in Him. Because He wants His children to trust in Him, because He knows that it is for our good and His glory. He is good and He is worthy.
 

23 comments:

  1. I so needed to read this today. I'm really resonating with your story because it can relate to where I'm at right now. Though, health-wise I think I'm okay, I have just been a mess emotionally and I guess physically, too and am constantly beating myself up. I share with my husband, but I always hope that I don't annoy him. He's not easily angry or annoyed, but I'm always nervous I'll push him away if I share, even though that's not how he responds. It's tough. But this was encouraging, so thank you!

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    1. I so struggle with the same things, girl. You are not alone! It's not in my nature to be open about how I am feeling so it takes great intention to go to him in complete humility but like my husband, it sounds like yours is graceFULL and wants to hear what you are feeling so that he can guide, lead, and lift you up to the Father. It's hard but it's so worth it! I'm praying for you!

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  2. This is such an amazing post, God is indeed the Healer. He is so good. I feel so blessed that you've shared this with us, thank you. God bless :)

    x www.elizabethangelia.blogspot.com

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    1. thank you so much for your precious words. He is so so good, right!? So thankful that He is a God of healing and abundant grace!

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  3. Wow, thank you for this post. I am going to send you a message to discuss this further.

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    1. <3 responding today, girl. You are loved!

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    2. Hey girl, I never saw a reply from you so in case you didn't get my message. I just want you to know that you are amazing, and in a way a guardian angel to me. Thank you.

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  4. What a beautiful story of God's healing power in your body, mind, heart, and soul. Thank you for your humility and honesty in sharing this part of your story!

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    1. thank you for reading and for your kind words, my friend!

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  5. Wow this was such a blessing!!!!!! What a beautiful story and I am so happy for you and your husband. God is so good, smh he is so good!

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    1. yessss, He is!! thank you for reading and for taking the time to encourage my heart! xoxo

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  6. Love that you are sharing your heart and your story so vulnerably on your blog. It is hard to walk through some of these struggles... especially in the early years of marriage! So glad God sustained and grew your marriage through it!

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    1. Absolutely! It's never easy to walk through trials but knowing that it's for a purpose and that God is in control even when it doesn't seem like it is so helpful.

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  7. Wow, Katie, what an amazing story! Thank you for sharing this. You're such a blessing!!

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    1. thank you for reading and for your encouragement, my friend!!! xoxo

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  8. This is just the best. I am so impressed with you for sharing such a personal story, that I imagine will impact tons of people. You are so awesome!

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    1. :) thank you for reading and for your precious encouragement girl. it was hard to share but I hope it does encourage others!!

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  9. Ahh Katie I love this!!! Immediately after our wedding my husband became suddenly and horribly sick. We spent 3 years chasing a diagnosis and healing but nothing came. He got worse and worse. Honestly, we both knew he was hovering on death's door but no one could seem to find out what was wrong. Finally, by pure miracle, we moved unexpectedly and found a doctor who wanted to do an exploratory surgery. When he did that he was able to find the source of my husband's illness and save his life. That was the first 2.5 years of our marriage. We both know if we can survive that, we can survive anything.

    Best to you and your husband. XOXO

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    1. Wow!! what an awesome testimony of healing! I love it.. so comforting! And yes, I agree.. I feel like we can go through anything now. God is so good!

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  10. Such an open and honest post! I love the authenticity of your writing style. Though I'm not yet in the season of marriage, I am navigating dating and relationship and found a lot of helpful inside by reading this post. Look forward to reading more of your work.

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    1. I'm so glad that I could bring a little bit of encouragement to you sweet girl!! Thank you for reading a piece of my heart ❤️

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  11. Wow! Hallelujah. Your transparency in this testimony really pointed me to Christ. He is so good + faithful when we are weak. This was beautiful, truly a story of overcoming.

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  12. Thank you so much for sharing this today! What a powerful testimony. We have a few families going through some hard times in our church and I can't wait to share this with them!

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