In less than two months, my husband and I (along with our super spoiled pup) will welcome our first baby into our family. For us, this is such a big deal. Our lives will never be the same! I wanted to share some of the fears and excitements that we are experiencing as we patiently await the arrival of our firstborn baby girl!
1. Fear of Giving Birth
I've always had fears of giving birth. I mean, fear to the point of never wanting to have kids. I'm a total baby when it comes to pain. And I'm super tense. Combine those two things together and I always told myself that I could never give birth. I'm realizing that that is such a lie! (another post for another day). I've always said that I have wanted an epidural and wanted it to go as easy and as fast as humanly possible because I thought I couldn't do it. Now that I am pregnant and have learned so much about birth and how medicine can effect the baby along with the great benefits of going medicine-free, I decided I wanted to go as natural as possible. I want to prove to myself that I am strong and for our baby, to keep her as healthy and alert as I can help. Before deciding this, I was praying for peace because of my intense fears of giving birth. God absolutely answered my prayers and now I have such a peace about giving birth although there are times where I start to worry about the pain. But I know I'm not the only one who has went through this!
2. Excitement of Experiencing New Life with My Husband
My husband and I decided to do the Bradley Method, which is a husband-led way of going through the amazing process of birth. My husband is my rock and the place I know I can go for relaxation and peace during any kind of circumstance so I know he is going to be the best birthing coach I could even imagine! He is so calming and supportive and I can not wait to experience the amazing miracle of bringing a new life into the world with the person I love the most on earth. We know that God is going to do great things!
3. Fear of Our Baby Changing My Identity
I've always had a fear that once I become a mom, I won't be able to do the things I love anymore. There is a fear in me of being completely changed and turning into someone whose world revolves around her children and doesn't really see anything besides them. It's a real fear in my heart that I will become so involved or so wrapped up that I will lose a part of who I am.. I am afraid to drive a minivan at the age of 23. I am afraid of mom jeans and letting myself go. I am afraid of women my age with no children not building friendships with me because I'm not in their season anymore (something I am guilty of doing before I got pregnant). I guess I am afraid that being a mom is going to make me feel less than who I am.
4. Excitement of Our Baby Making Me a Mother
Even though I do struggle with believing the lie that motherhood will make me lose a part of who I am, I am so excited, so humbled, and so honored that I am gaining a new part of me. God is blessing me and entrusting me and my husband to be parents to His precious children. What an honor! I have to remind myself that I can still write and create and take photos and shop every now and then. I don't have to go buy a minivan anytime soon and I can still reach out to my friends without kids and go out to coffee and laugh (with a baby sweetly sleeping on my chest). Who I am will be changing but motherhood will only be enhancing who I am, not taking away who I am. And for that, I am so excited.
5. Fear of Our Baby Affecting Our Marriage
This is probably the biggest fear I have about having children. I see precious couples choose their kids over each other all the time. And it hurts. It hurts my heart to see wives neglecting the needs and wants of their husband. Without realizing that that is a choice, I fear falling into that trap. I am head over heels in love with my husband and as much as I can't wait to have children, I decided a long time ago to never put my kids about my husband. I'm sure it's easier said than done especially when that little newborn needs her mama every 2 hours to eat and in between, but I know it's not impossible. But the opportunity of a baby affecting our marriage in a negative way is really a fear of mine.
6. Excitement of Our Baby Growing in us a New Love for One Another
I have seen marriages grow apart over time when children come into the picture but I have also seen the amazing ways that having a baby enhances a marriage. I've heard wives say that seeing their husbands as a daddy makes their heart grow 100 times bigger for them. They fall in love with their husbands all over again. They rely even more so on each other. And I know that having a baby doesn't have to affect our marriage in a negative way but that it was grow and make our marriage flourish and for that, I am more than ecstatic! I've always wanted to be a mom and my husband has always wanted to be a dad (he's going to be the best dad ever!) and we are so ready to have our own little family. I can't wait to take our little girl on camping trips, downtown during the summer, to the pool, and on little dates. I can't wait to get a babysitter and spend all night with just my husband. I can't wait to send my husband and daughter off on daddy-daughter date nights. I can't wait to fall more in love with my husband every day, through every pregnancy and every year our family grows bigger and bigger.