Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Testimony Tuesday - Week Ten

 Happy Tuesday, friends! I am so excited to share this testimony today. I think that so many women will be able to relate & prayerfully, be encouraged by this life story of how God is faithful!
"I am about to share something that I have not shared with anyone besides my closest family. It’s something that I had tried not to think about, that I had tried to erase from my memory after it all happened. It’s hard to talk about this, but it’s time to let it out.
When I was 17 I met a boy (who I’ll refer to as T) in high school who I started to date seriously. Before him, I had had boyfriends, but none were very serious. He was different though. He captured my attention and I spent every moment I could with him. At the time, I thought I had been with him because I actually wanted to. But truthfully it was out of fear. He controlled every aspect of my life and I, unfortunately, allowed him to. Deep inside my being I was scared, but I never admitted it to anyone, including myself. I gave up, who I was and everything I loved, including God, family, friends, hobbies, dreams, and so much more. He had me so brainwashed that I couldn’t see what I was doing to myself. I was giving up everything I had become and everything I ever would become.
Pretty much every day he would fight with me about any little thing that I did that he didn’t like. If I wasn’t at his house at the exact moment that he wanted me to be, he would fight with me, even if I was only 5 minutes late. If I was on my cell phone when I was with him, I would be in trouble. If I didn’t let him do as he wanted with me, again, I was in for his wrath. I would get scared because I upset him, not knowing what he would do as a result of that, and instantly would change, or try to change to become the person he wanted me to be. I took my clay away from God and gave it to T. I allowed him to mold me instead of letting God complete His masterpiece with my small broken piece of clay. All the molding that God had done, T completely tried to erase.
T was mentally abusive and completely tore down every fiber and every living, happy thing that had once been inside of me (before T, I was such a happy, optimist, cheerful, gentle-spirited, God-loving girl). Instead, he made me a fearful robot; one that would do whatever he wanted. My family tried talking sense into me; they could see the damage he was doing to me. They were so distraught and tried to prevent me from going to see him, but I wouldn’t listen. I didn’t realize then what torment I had put them through. In my head two battles were going on that fought inside of me day and night; the battle between God and the devil.
Throughout my whole entire life I was so close to my God, He was my whole world. The devil knew that, but he also knew my weakness and used it against me to pull me away from God. I drifted away from God and the more it went on the more broken I became. Those 2 years that I was with T, I had never cried so much. I had never fought so much. I kept telling myself that he is sweet and that I loved him. I was trying to convince myself that everything is fine. Was he sweet? Sometimes, only to brainwash me more into thinking I needed him. Did I love him? Yes, but it wasn’t true love. I wasn’t in love with him. I loved him and cared for him, only wanting to make him happy. He would break up with me a lot over stupid things that I did wrong in his eyes. I broke up with him a few times, knowing that I needed to get away from him. When I did break up with him, I hung out with other guys to hopefully make me forget about him. But he would stalk me, knowing where I was and who I was with.
 He would reach out to me knowing that I just couldn’t stay away from him for long. I would forgive and forget anything he did wrong. That’s when I realized I did love him. It reminded me of God’s love for me. No matter how bad I mess up, He will always forgive me.
Then I began to let my God back into my life little by little. God took that opportunity and grabbed hold of me tight. One day when I was with him, I said "I love you, but, you know, I love God more. He is first in my life." What happened next, hit me like a ton of bricks, knocking some reality into me. He said, "No! I come first, I come before God." Those simple words punched me in the gut. God slowly began to reveal to me the dangers of being with this boy. Showing me how bad I was brainwashed. Next, came the slow transition of my escape from T. It was hard breaking away from the first boy I loved, a boy that I cared about, I was used to, and was scared of. I stayed with him, but slowly began to get disgusted by his actions and began to truthfully fear for my life. I no longer trusted being alone with him. The more I drifted closer to God and stood up for myself, the more dangerous he acted towards me. God really began to let me see the light of things. I had been in the darkness for too long.
It became time for me to start college. T was of course mad, saying he didn’t want me around any guys (he didn’t want me around anyone; he wanted me all to him). I told him I would commute back and forth so that I could be with him every night. The school was about 45 minutes from my house so it was doable. When classes began he kept getting frustrated with me because I wasn’t home fast enough to be with him. It was a week or two after the start of classes that I saw this other boy. Something about him just grabbed my attention and I NEEDED to get to know him.
My attention slipped more and more from T. Then one day, I was pulling into the parking lot at the same time the boy I had my eye on was pulling in. I saw him lingering around his truck waiting for me to get out of my truck. He started walking really slow and I started to speed up. I finally caught up to him and he turned to me, looked me in my eyes with his deep brown ones and said, "You got a real nice truck." From that moment on, he was all I could think about. That same night, I was out with my family for dinner and T got done hunting sooner than he expected and was mad and started fighting with me for not being home to come be with him. It was that moment when I felt God give me the push. I broke up with T for good. That night was the last time I ever talked to him. And the boy I met at college? We are engaged now. He is a wonderful Christian man that I am truly in love with.
I cannot thank God enough for saving me. He knew that the only way for me to truly get away from T was to give me my soulmate, the one who would bring me back close to God. Since then I have grown back close to my Lord and have never been happier. I thank God, though, for allowing me to have that experience with T. It has made me a stronger person and I hope to now help other girls who are in abusive relationships. I want to show them that they are worth so much more than that! My dad always told me that my identity is not in a man. I now know that no man gives me purpose. God gives me purpose. My man only complements me.
It’s been 3 years since I have talked to T. Looking back at where I was and where I am now, is absolutely amazing. God has done so many wonderful things in my life. I am so glad He never left me; He was looking down upon me the whole time and knew my destiny. "’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’" Jeremiah 29:11. He sure brought me up out of the pit. He dusted me off, grabbed my Hand, and is walking with me down the road of life. I couldn’t be happier where I am today and I owe it all to my wonderful best friend, Jesus!


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