Friday, October 3, 2014

Marriage: Selfish or Selfless?

"Sometimes I just want to lay in bed and wait until someone does the dishes, the laundry, the breakfast but then I remember that that's my jam & by choosing selflessness, I am really choosing love...."




God has molded me in many ways through this sanctification process called marriage. But the one thing that has stuck out to me in this first year that my husband and I have been joined together has been the selflessness of a true, Christ-focused marriage.
I have seen numerous selfless acts done through my husband for me. I have watched his heart mold into looking more like Christ’s. I have been hurt, joyful, confused, blissful, angry, & molded myself. So many things happen when we choose to be selfless or choose not to be selfless.




When I intentionally choose to be selfless, through the power of Jesus in me, my husband and I grow closer together, intimately & more known.
When I choose to be stubborn, rude, quick to speak, & quick to be angry, that is causing a riff between the intimacy my husband and I could experience. My actions do that. Me.
The same happens when my husband chooses his ways over mine, or ours. It happens to all of us because all of us are sinful.




It’s so unnatural to put someone first. Yet, marriage requires us to put our spouse in front of our own self.
Just as Christ bids man to come and die in order to follow Him, we must come & die to our selfish desires in our marriages so that we may flourish & grow, together and with God.




It takes power & strength, boldness & love to intentionally, selflessly, put to death my selfishness & walk in the selflessness that Christ calls me to.
When my husband wants something that I do not want, I must choose selflessness.
When my husband has been feeling unloved & I just want to go to sleep, I must die to my selfishness & choose selflessness.
When I don’t want to get up in the morning to make my beloved husband breakfast, I must put aside my selfish desires & choose to walk in selflessness.
Even when my husband is being selfish & I have the prime opportunity to be selfish right back, I must stop & intentionally choose Jesus’s way, selflessness.
How do we choose selflessness?


With God’s help, Jesus’ power ALONE. I, Katie, cannot be selfless without the help of the Father. Without His strength, His Holy Spirit working through me, I will choose selfishness time & time again.
We must walk & talk with God daily in order to walk & talk the way of selflessness.


It is by His strength & graciousness to us that we will live selflessly in our marriages, in our lives.
Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:3-6 ESV)

 

17 comments:

  1. So true. It is denying yourself and taking up your cross daily. A friend said this and it has always stuck to my heart. "I didn't get married to be happy (which isn't a bad thing), but to serve the Lord."
    That has really changed my mind. I love and adore my husband but when I serve Christ and kill self I am honouring my Lord which honours Christ.

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    1. You're so right. It is a minute by minute decision! I love that quote from your friend.. wow!

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  2. this is so good! I struggle with selflessness so often in my marriage. I want to put him first but there are times when I'm like NOPE I have done both our laundry for the last time because he can't even remember to do _____ for ME!!! Then I hear God say "but don't you want him to be happy? doesn't he work hard day in and day out to provide for you?" Doesn't he listen to your anxiety driven worries and assure you everything will be ok? doesn't he write you love songs when he could be washing dishes? isn't his underwear on the bathroom floor (thats been there for 2 days now!!) a reminder that you have the love of your life and you get to be his wife?" Then I just feel awful and like a total jerk. Thanks for this!! - Mary

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    1. That was so sweet and I love how you share what is on your heart. It is true we are so selfish by nature but God is working in us. And that reminder of putting others needs before our own. It isn't easy but with the Lord's help we can do this.

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    2. Mary, I can SO RELATE! Seroiusly, that is just so my heart exactly. You are not alone! I am so thankful for friends who understand.. marriage is hard stuff but so worth it and in it, we are slowly looking more and more like Christ. I never understood until now that you can glorify God by doing laundry.. !!! You are not a jerk. You are a sweet wife who is choosing her husband over herself! We will mess up at times but God's grace is so vast!!

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  3. Beautifully written! It's so easy for us to stay in our comfort zones and this is such a great reminder to be intentional!

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    1. It is so easy to stay in our comfort zones.. too easy! :) Thanks so much for this encouragement!!

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  4. Gorgeous photos!! Love this. It's a great reminder for me. I know I'm not selfless nearly enough with my husband....

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    1. Thanks, Emily! :) I am not either but grace, girlfriend! It's never too late!

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  5. You are so right, Katie! Marriage is an ultimate journey in sacrificial love (followed by parenting, of course!). Love hearing about your journey:)

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    1. I'm definitely not ready for parenting, haha. Marriage is hard enough ;) Thanks for stopping by, Daisy!

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  6. It looks like you and I are in a very similar boat, being in our first year of marriage and learning the hard lesson of selflessness. I could thoroughly identify with every point you made, and I can also say the struggle is so real, but the grace of God and the power of His Spirit in us is greater. Thank you for your transparency. Love seeing other sisters in Christ out there being open about their challenges and triumphs in life.

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    1. Love that. I love when we can relate to and learn from one another! How amazing! How is God working in your marriage? Congrats on one year! Blessings, friend!

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  7. Beautifully written and so true!! Marriage is just a big learnig journey on how to be selfless and always putting your loved one before yourself. It's a constant learning journey, but with the Lords help we can all overcome any selfish acts.

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    1. Yep, it is a journey!!! We will never be perfect but youre so right, with the Lord's help, we can overcome!

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  8. Katie, this is so good! I'm not married yet, but through dating Andrew, I've seen how selfish I am and have been learning to be more selfless. I never knew how much being in a good relationship makes you grow and become a better person.

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    1. I had no idea either!! I love to hear that you are already growing in selflessness now. What an amazing thing! Keep trying! It's definitely a learning process but nothing speaks LOVE more than choosing his needs over yours! Praying for you, sweet Jenna!

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